Early Morning Run in… Berlin (Part 1)

23:30 9-Dec 1980

Nearly midnight, it was snowing hard in West Germany. I'm in an army prison cell in Berlin. After finding a warm spot, I'm hunched with my back pressed to the wall. The snow drifts through the bars. 

I've no shoelaces or belt, personal possessions and empty pockets - and there's an army bed and no mattress.

We're (1 DERR) here to play the Grenadier Guards in the Infantry Cup. The Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM) is also the football officer and a strict disciplinarian. I think you could safely say he was old school. His name was 'Sir'. 

'Sir' appeared at the cell door.

14:05 6-Dec 2023

In mid-afternoon, it was snowing steadily in Germany. The taxi driver from the airport was chatty and spoke excellent English. He asks me if I've been in Berlin before. I smile and say yes, 43 years ago as a young soldier. I'd been here to play football for 6 days. He tells me I'll see many changes. I told him I didn't leave the camp all those years ago - a long story. I had wanted to see the Berlin Wall, Checkpoint Charlie, the Reichstag, the Brandenburg Gate, the Olympic Stadium, and where David Bowie lived. I didn't mention being on 6 days of open arrest.

Herr Hans was a good fellow and said he was sorry I didn't have the Berlin experience those 43 years ago. He told me he was under 40; I felt old as I gazed out the window. "You're staying in the Pullman Hotel, ja?" I nod. "There are two things to see on the way. Interested?" 

01:00 10-Dec 1980

Sir has been dragged out of bed because 6 of his team are in the clink. To say he's upset would be an understatement. "I'll be back in the morning; the RSM of the Guards will handle this matter. I'll deal with it personally when we're back in Osnabruck." Silence…

I wanted to say this is frontier justice, with no due process, and we're innocent, by the way. I'd been in the army long enough to keep such thoughts to myself.

I also realise we're up the ol' shit creek without a paddle. 

14:20 6-Dec 2023

Herr Hans and I are sat looking up at a nondescript apartment. "This is where David Bowie lived and wrote 'Heroes.' Did you know the song was about the Berlin Wall and divided Germany?" I told him I did and loved Bowie and this song in particular. 

09:00 10-Dec 1980 

We've sobered up. No breakfast. We're marched in to have a chat with Garrison RSM. He's Scottish, the type who goes to bed angry and wakes up furious. His guard's No2 hat with the little slashed peak made him look even more frightening. 

14:35 6-Dec 2023

Hans says, "You see that building there? This is where President Kennedy stood on that balcony in front of, they say, a crowd of 100,000 and said Ich Bin Berliner." He drops me at my hotel, and we shake hands. It's a great ride into town. 

10:00 14-Dec 1980 

Osnabruck. Officer's Commanding Orders (think magistrate's court). Marched in at warp factor 3… STAND STILL… charges read out, remanded by the OC for CO's Orders (think crown court). Marched out at warp factor 3. 

11:00 18-Dec 1980 

Osnabruck. The Commanding Officer could dismiss this case, find us guilty & pass a sentence, or ask you if you'd prefer a court-martial, which is your right.

The Commanding Officer (GC) was a kindly man, more of a benevolent uncle figure. Marched in at warp factor 4 by the RSM…. STAND STILL. Charges read out. 

GC opened with how sad & disappointed he was. Bright young men, some of the most promising young soldiers in the battalion, stood here before him. We had let ourselves down, the regiment down, the army down and above all, let him down. I remember thinking this was promising; we could get away with it. As they say in France, it's only done when the carrots are cooked. Please let us off…

I remember an ominous sign on his desk. A bowl of oranges. Oranges always appeared in The Godfather when someone was about to get whacked. 

He asked in his soft-spoken manner, did we have anything to say for ourselves? A brave member of the 'Berlin 6' said, "Sir, we…" A loud voice boomed behind us, "SHUT UP." Sir had spoken.

The colonel said, " I've decided not to charge you and blight your promising careers. The case is dismissed (hurrah). The RSM will handle this matter in his indomitable fashion (schiesse, as they in Germany). 

The upshot was the RSM going radio rental; we'd each get 14 extra guard duties, day on, day off. Starting 20-Dec. I had one of the 5 seats booked in a Ford Escort Mk II to Hook of Holland for the Christmas ferry home. The ferry was paid for. Not this year… we were to stand guard, Christmas was cancelled, and we were to think about our behaviour in the early hours as we froze our nuts off. Frontier justice…

To continue the German theme, the RSM had some Nietzsche in him, in that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You always learned lessons in the army...

Happy New Year to all and best wishes for 2024.

Zero dark thirty 9-Dec 2023 (Part 2)

To be continued... we'll run and take in the sights: the beautiful snow-covered Tiergarten Park, the Brandenburg Gate, and the stunning Reichstag. The post will also contain the epilogue from December 1980. Let's finish for now with the words of David Bowie...

I, I can remember (I remember)

Standing, by the wall (by the wall)

And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)

And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

And the shame, was on the other side

Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever

Then we could be Heroes, just for one day